How do you talk to yourself

Something I  liked to read.....


How do you talk to yourself?

Is your inner voice nice or mean? Do you constantly put yourself down and call yourself names, or do you communicate positively with yourself and affirm your self worth on a regular basis?


Self esteem is a fragile thing. We all have areas of our lives we can't seem to get a handle on - relationships, holding down a job, giving presentations, irrational fear of flying - and often we don't realize that a wonky internal dialog may be to blame.

Next time you start to feel anxious, unhappy or overwhelmed, listen to yourself. What is your inner voice saying? It might surprise you to hear a panicked screeching coming from the dark recesses of your brain:

"Oh no! I'm going to be late! I'm always late, I can never find my earrings, I'm such an idiot, why am I such a slob, I can never find anything, the whole day is shot now, I can't cope, I am a failure...'

Whoa! There's a lot of stuff in there that just flat out isn't true, and the fact that you are heaping abuse on yourself isn't helping you be any less stressed or move any faster. Ever see those movies where the hero goes to boot camp and the drill sergeant constantly screams at the new recruits? Well, that may work for preparing men for battle - but for preparing yourself for the boardroom, it's a little over the top.
Take a second to breathe, and imagine a drill sergeant standing in your dressing room screaming at you. Think that;'s ridiculous? It's what you were doing to yourself just a minute ago. Take a look at what was coming out of your inner drill sergeant's mouth, and realize how absurd it is:
'Oh, no! I'm going to be late!' This is really the only true statement in the whole string of invective you just subjected yourself to. Set it aside with a note to come back to it.
'I'm always late.' Unless you have some sort of perverse desire to keep the people in your life waiting, this is almost certainly not true. Think back and disprove this statement with at least one example of a time when you were not late.

'I can never find my earrings'. Really? Never? Think back and disprove this statement with at least one example of a time when you wore both earrings.
'I'm such an idiot'. Please. you are about to get in a car, find your way to another location, and give a presentation. Not exactly something an idiot could do.

'Why am I such a slob'. OK, maybe there is a kernel of truth in this one - or maybe you are overreacting to stress. If you are really a slob, it is a fixable condition - take a note, shelve the issue and deal with it when you aren't running out the door.

'I can never find anything'. Again. Think back and disprove this statement with at least one example of a time when you found anything, anything at all.
'The whole day is shot now'. Seriously? You are going to let an earring ruin your day? Sorry, doesn't qualify. A vehicular accident, a tornado, the loss of a limb is definitely a day-ruiner - not a missing earring. Priorities, please!

'I can't cope'. Well, there's the kicker. Crawl back in bed and curl into fetal position. Come on! You've made it this far. Deal. pick another set of earrings, or go bare-eared - it's not the end of the world.

'I am a failure'. How did this whole episode get started? You couldn't find an earring. If that makes you a failure, you are probably in good company - I'm sure plenty of people of note have been unable to find an earring at one point or another.
The only real issue here is the possibility you might be late - and in the grand scheme of things, this is really a non-issue. A week from now you won't even remember you were late. Communicate this to yourself to drown out mister drill sergeant in the corner, and affirm what you now know to be true.

"I may be late (but in a week I will have forgotten the momentary unpleasantness of that fact). I am not always late. Most of the time I can find my earrings. I am a smart person, not an idiot, I can be a neat person, not a slob, and I know where most of my belongings in the house are. Today will be a good day despite a slight tardiness issue, I can cope and I am a successful person."

Feel better? Self affirmation is a wonderful thing. Tell the drill sergeant he can go home - you won't be needing him anymore.